smalltimore

i keep seeing all these little things in paris that i want to tell you about, but then they leave my head when i get to an internet cafe. so yesterday i started writing them all down. on a piece of paper that is presently in my flat, three blocks away. bwah!

so i shall try to remember as many as i can and perhaps i will remember to bring my list another day. and if you are patient and read this whole entry, at the end i will provide you with a simple but delicious recipe.

the funny thing about europe is indeed the little differences. i try to blend as much as possible. it is not that i don't want to be american. i just don't want to be so OBVIOUSLY american. and when it comes to spotting americans a mile away, it is all about the shoes. combining this fact with my friend jeffrey's proposed new year's resolution, "be more glamorous," i have easily rationalized the five pairs of shoes that i have bought since arriving. that is one good thing about paris in late january - the sales.

unfortunately for me, one of the little, or big differences in shopping in paris are the shape and size of clothing. apparently no parisian woman sports a rack larger than a B-cup. if you can't say the same, you can't shop for clothes in paris. and if you have met me, you know i can't shop for clothes in paris. what can i say, my cups runneth over. ah, well. i've never received a complaint on that topic, and i have had countless compliments on my shoes. so i suppose it is a wash.

speaking of compliments on my shoes, i am not sure if the next anecdote demonstrates the little differences or the universal truths that 1) there are crazy people everywhere, and 2) they are determined to speak to me. as i left my building yesterday, i had to walk by a man who lives in the doorway two buildings down. he is in his 30s or 40s, he wears camoflage pants that always look clean, and he shouts at people a lot. i usually cross the street to avoid him; but on this day i was heading in the other direction so i did not. besides, i live in baltimore - if crazy people bothered me, i wouldn't have much of a social life. he was sitting on the step of the doorway as i passed. i was relieved when he didn't stand to shout at me. instead, he stared at my feet as i walked (in some very cute shoes that i bought here last summer), and as i passed him he shouted loudly at my feet, "OH, YES!!!!" so yes, crazy people live in paris also. they are just a little more fashion-conscious.

when i checked into my flat, the lady that i rent from was wearing a pair of shoes that were simply astounding. i actually caught my breath when i noticed them, and complimented her on them. she told me that they were a gift from her husband. now there is a big cultural difference. i don't think i have ever met a straight american man that it would ever occur to to buy shoes for a woman, let alone get the right size and have fantastic taste.

hmm, i want to rattle off a bunch of little things before i forget them, but i can't go too far into each subject or i will waste this entire chilly, overcast day in this noisy, smelly internet cafe. so these are some things that have caught my eye - green mascara; this is not as strange as it sounds and if you see me in the near future, i will probably be wearing some. gendarme (police) on in-line skates; this is actually a very good idea, i think, though i am not sure if they rank a step above or below the cops on bicycles. posh dogs - you rarely see a mutt here, whereas in germany most dogs i noticed were mixed breeds. most dogs in paris under 20 pounds own a wardrobe. they do not walk, they strut. and i swear to you, in montmartre yesterday, i saw a shabbily dressed homeless woman, and on her lap was a small dog - wearing a faux-leopard print sweater with fluffy collar.

other interesting moments - listening to the french jazz station on the radio and occaisionally hearing english words in the midst of a sentence. yesterday, i thought i heard the announcer say, "poor white trash"; it was strange to hear with his french accent, but he said it two or three more times, and then played elvis presley singing, "in the ghetto" (which of course i cannot hear now without thinking of cartman from south park). but my favorite little victory is when a french person stops me and asks me for directions. this makes me feel i am being successfully unobtrusive. this happened twice yesterday as i was on my way to meet a friend at cafe zimmer next to chatelet. the first person i was even able to help, though the second person was lost while i was lost myself, so i was not of much assistance. still, they were french, and to them i must have looked like i knew where i was going, and this made me happy. when i met my friend at the cafe; i told him about this, pleased with myself. he said, "i think these people were belgian."

before we left the cafe, he handed me a sheet of paper from the restaurant that had something rather lengthy written in french. i asked him what it said as i picked out the familiar words i could find, and he told me it was some pleasant advice on how to live your life peacefully, and that these words had been found in a church in baltimore. i realized of course this was the desiderata, found in old st. paul's church. how funny is it that this saying has been translated into french and is hanging on the bathroom walls of this cafe in paris? cafe zimmer also has it posted on their website, if you care to google it.

all right my darlings, i can't recall the other things i wanted to tell you, so they will have to wait. but now i will give you that promosed recipe, and many of you will be glad to know it involves no actual cooking. you will need: a package of mini blinis, a banana, creme fraiche, raspberry coulis, crushed nuts (macadamia, hazelnuts, or pecans would be best) and powdered sugar. you will need one large plate, one small plate, and a small spoon.

in paris, i am just so overwhelmed by all the good food in the markets that i buy what looks good and then figure out what to combine when i get home. yesterday i was having a friend over for dinner and i wanted to make a light dessert as well. i knew at home i had already the blinis, the banana, and creme fraiche, as well as powdered sugar. these seemed an obvious combination to me, but lacking something then i remembered the other day i had had some wonderful raspberries. perfect! and some crushed nuts would give it a nice mixture of texture.

if you live in the USA, just go to any grocery store to find the raspberries and nuts. most likely you can even find the nuts pre-crushed. these two things turned out to be more of a challenge than one might expect in paris. there are lots of places to buy fruit here. there are three places within a block of my flat. but none with raspberries. so i had to settle for a jar of coulis. this turned out to be much better than just raspberries, it truly made the dish, so find the best coulis that you can. the nuts were problematic. i ended up having to buy a snack-size bag of mixed nuts, and seperating them by hand, then placing them in a plastic bag and crushing them with the jar of coulis. which made the key ingredient of coulis doubly so.

so. take the large plate and place 2 to 3 minin blinis per person on it. nuke them naked just to warm them a bit. be sure not to microwave them on a gold-rimmed plate ("there is lightning!" my french friend shouted at me. oops). spoon a plop of chilled creme fraiche on each blini, top with a single slice of banana, drizzle on the raspberry coulis and sprinkle with crushed nuts and just a touch of powdered sugar. it is slightly messy to eat but finger-licking good. set the plate aside. you will want to lick it clean after your dinner guest leaves. use the leftover ingredients to make yourself the same thing the next morning for breakfast. use the smaller plate in order to make it less awkward to lick clean.

bon appetit!

ok, i am a little more settled in the day-to-day now...i want to tell you about "my" flat. it is adorable! i think it is listed as 26 square meters, including the mezzanine that is just large enough for the bed. so the whole place is roughly equal to my living room and kitchen at home. for a studio in paris, this is fairly generous. i saw an apartment of the same size listed in the window of a realtor here for 167,000 euro. the one i am staying in would likely be more, as it is on the top floor (7th) with a nice view, and an elevator in the building.

it is nice not to have anyone above me, though this makes me feel more guilty when i step on a squeaky floorboard, and they all seem to squeak. if i was musically inclined i could probably figure out the pitch of each and stomp out a tune. the flat is on the right bank, in the ninth arrondissement, not far from sacre-coeur. from the windows in the main room i have a nice view of this gorgeous church, whether i am sitting at the dining room table or even, if i leave the bathroom door open, on the...throne. from the bathroom window i can see the tower of montparnasse, as well as the eiffel tower, all the way in the 14th and 16th arrondisements respectively. but mostly my view is of rooftops, with clay chimneypots of various shapes and sizes as far as the eye can see. i find these somehow very charming, though at the same time they remind me of drunk college students in baltimore climbing onto the dangerous sloping roofs of mount vernon mansions in baltimore in order to line them with empty beer bottles.

in the mornings i am usually coaxed gently from sleep by children playing in the courtyard of the school that is opposite of my building. since i am on the 7th floor it is not an abrasive noise, though. sometimes i watch them and smile at how some things are universal. from my vantage point there seems to be no rhyme or reason to their games, but i am sure if i asked them, there would be several rules to what from my windows appears to be innocent chaos. the only rules that seem necessary are 1) run and 2) scream.

i have not eaten in a restaurant since i have been here. the markets, even the ones that lean towards convenience stores, are so full of fresh and fragrant vegetables, cheeses, mushrooms, cream, that so far all the money i have spent has been on groceries that i can't wait to get back to the flat and start cooking. i found a store on rue montorgueil with the most AMAZING white truffle oil i have ever tasted. that day i wasn't even sure if i would have company for dinner or not, but i went straight home and made the best truffle mash potatoes i have ever created. since i rarely make mashed from scratch, i made a bit too much. i did end up having a friend over for dinner and when he saw the casserole dish that held the potatoes, he asked, "are we expecting more people?"

so, i am just enjoying life, my vie faux francais. my french friend cannot understand why i choose to leave one cold place to come to another for holiday. whereas i can't understand why he could think of going anywhere else.  

greetings from paris...sorry it has been so long. london and germany were both very quick but at the same time relaxing, but i had no time to post. i have been in paris since thursday and i only just found this internet cafe. i am not staying in a tourist area, so there are not so many of them around.

i have done so much and seen so many friends since i last wrote that i don't know where to start. and this french keyboard is not helping my usual stream-of-consciousness style of writing. none of the keys are located in the places they are stored in my memory. i even have to shift to type a period! so perhaps i should just end every sentence with an exclamation point! no, that is just annoying...

the most important thing that has been made very clear to me during this trip can be summed up in a sentence used to describe the five of wands, if i remember correctly, in the tarot deck: "in the battle of life, boldness changes things for the better."

in london, i was honored to accept an award on behalf of some very talented students from baltimore school for the arts. as i stood onstage in front of over 350 people, making a very short speech and trying, with little success, not to cry, i was completely overwhelmed not only by the moment itself but by the circumstances and seemingly simple and fleeting choices that i and other people made in the last ten years that made this present moment possible.

in may of 1999 i was having dinner by myself at the bar at the brass elephant in baltimore. i had lived in baltimore for just over a year and did not know many people yet. a lively party of four rolicked their way up the teakwood staircase and into the lounge. i did know one of these characters, tom, another regular at the brass. with him were three of his neighbors that lived in his apartment building, john, bentley, and mette.

suddenly it was a party and we were all laughing and talking and drinking like new old friends. i had an instant affinity for each of them, but was having a particularly interesting conversation with john. he was leaving in a few days to spend the summer in london. i was going to london for the first time ever at the end of july. our conversation was cut short because they were moving on to the next bar. we all said goodbye and as one by one they walked out the door, i thought to myself, i would really like to know these people, and i am about to miss my opportunity to do so. john was about to be the last one out the door. "john!" i shouted from the other end of the bar. "do you have an email address!" (the previous sentence should end in a question mark, but this keyboard does not seem to have one)

two months later i saw john for the second time in my life, in london. that evening he took me to a party at a rowing club on the thames. there he introduced me to jim. jim was a charming brit who took me under his wing to explain to me a little gossip on each of the partygoers. there is nothing like gossip to make friends quickly. "see that bald, rather short, round, unattractive man at the bar," he would say to me."see how there are several pretty young women around him...he is enormously wealthy, he lives in a very posh house and he owns a very large boat. and he has a very small willy!!!"

a few years later i was visiting jim and his partner deb in london for new years eve. they took me to a party hosted by their friend matthew. matthew owns and operates a theatre school for young people in london. we were introduced and i said, we should talk, i am on the board of a small theatre in baltimore.

four years later i find myself onstage in london accepting an award from matthew, with jim and deb sitting in the audience next to my seat; a few days later i would be traveling to germany to see john and his german wife anja; a few days after my visit in germany, i am in paris, cooking dinner for or walking through the tuileries with friends that i did not know 6 months ago; soon enough i will return to baltimore, and nine days after i arrive, matthew and five of his students will be on their way to baltimore to once again work with the theatre students from baltimore school for the arts, and perform onstage at baltimore theatre project ("beautiful thing", feb 22-24, i expect to see most of you there).

had i let john walk out that door without getting his email address, it is likely that none of this would have happened. i was rambling on to him about all of this when he picked me up from frankfurt airport. his response was, "where's my award!"

so when i have those moments, those moments we all have, do i say something, do i be brave, or do i let the moment slip through my fingers, i always ask myself this question - what is the worst that can happen. i am embarassed for a moment or even rejected - big deal. no one is going to die. most often when you take a chance, the reward is far greater than the risk. boldness almost always changes things for the better. and that truly is a beautiful thing.

crap, i just found the question mark.

well i am a bit pissed (american pissed) because i wrote a lengthy blog posting and then this computer froze and it was lost. and i am a bit pissed (british pissed) because i have had two pints of kronenbourg (ladies drink half pints - screw that) and some wine with dinner.

 anyway...reader's digest condensed version of what i wrote before that disappeared (i apologize that this will not be nearly as witty as what i first wrote)...

(1)british people, as a majority, can't stand dubya. tony blair is being ousted early from his elected term by his own party, largely because he is considered to be the 'lap poodle' of bush. incidentally, thatcher was ousted in the same manner because of her relationship with reagan.

(2)'high school musical' is a made-for-tv-disney movie that is 'Grease' meets 'Fame' meets 'Clueless'. i can see why the kids love it, but it comes down to 'Grease with Extra Cheese'.

(3) british tv mainly consists of american sitcoms, big brother channels, and late-night soft-core porn. or so i've heard. i'm off to watch...big brother...now. ;)

as they say in the UK of A,

lay-tah...

i am safely in london, exhausted but happy to be in one of my two second homes (the other being paris) and to see some friends. however, i have been removed from my former london pied a terre, that being the first floor back bedroom of my friend matthew's house, complete with a small brick balcony and glass double doors with view of the thames in the posh london suburb of leatherhead. this room is now his office, from which i write. my bedroom is now in the smaller third floor front bedroom, with view of the pumping station complete with mortar scars from WWII. it is still nice (and free!) and, all rooms look the same in the dark, right? no complaints. though i will miss waking up looking at the river.

flight was quick and uneventful. however, in the airport cafe at BWI, prior to the flight i was having a sandwich, 2 beers, and a game of scrabble on my verizon phone. you probably don't know this about me but i am COMPLETELY addicted to wireless scrabble. but as i played against the computer, guess what word it came up with for a score of 32 points on a double word score? 'jihad'. not a word an american wants to contemplate before stepping on a plane.

tomorrow, or whenever i have a chance, i'll write about what matthew had to say about american politics. it is always interesting to me to hear what people from other countries think of us. i'll tell you what, though, they LOVE our musicals. which is why i have to sign off now, going to watch the \\DVD of disney's 'High School Musical' because matthew will be casting his own production of it on sunday. at an audition this evening of about 70 potential students, almost every one of them raised their hand when asked if they had seen the musical, and almost all of those kept their hand raised when asked if they had seen it more than 10 times. so i am going to see what all the fuss is about.  

i am so excited about this that i just had to write, even though i should be doing laundry, cleaning my apartment, packing for my trip, shaving my legs...not necessarily all at the same time or in that order. but guess what i discovered yesterday?! Sexy Rexy has cruise control!

the great thing about not knowing much about cars is that every once in awhile, though i have had this car for two years, i discover some cool little thing about it. i now know i have cruise control.  overlooking this for so long was not completely my fault - the words "cruise control" had been worn off the shaft-thingy that sticks out of the steering wheel before i got the car. but i tried it for the first time yesterday, and it is SO COOL!

i had never used cruise control before, ever. except in college, but that is another story...(a joke that only perhaps two people that may read this blog will get). it was a little freaky at first to feel the gas pedal moving of its own accord under my foot. but once i got used to it, i kind of liked not having to continually let up and press down the accelerator. i'm so short that even with my seat scooched almost all the way forward, i still have to point my toes pretty far to accelerate much, making long trips a little strenuous at times.

i think it is a great analogy for life. think about it, it's what we do - speed up, slow down, search for directions, sometimes (or often) going the wrong way and having to backtrack, comparing our skills and possesssions against everyone around us, overtaking some people, eating the dust of others, try to get to where we think we ought to be at that moment, often on our way to somewhere where we think we will happier, if only for a little while, before coming back home, to reality, the daily ins and outs...it can be stressful, taxing. i know a lot of people who want to be somewhere else, and be there NOW. i want to be somewhere else, too. but i want to enjoy the drive. and yes, i know, you don't have to point out that this is another driving metaphor. but between 5pm yesterday and 2pm today i've spent about 5 hours in the car, so that's where my mind went. you think i'm rambling now, wait 'til i send you something from paris!

quite a weekend, involving quite a lot of football. i know smalltimore was collectively let down by the ravens loss, but i think secretly many, despite the general loathing of the colts, are rooting for peyton manning to win a superbowl. i know i am. but on the other hand, if new orleans can get through the next round, what a cinderella story that would be for them to go all the way. well, any way around it, for once i think everyone who has made it this far deserves it. i like the bears, too, and i like tom brady on the patriots (and not just because he is newly single). 

keep tuned in and i'll let you know who i end up rooting for. i'll be watching the game at a great bar called la pomme d'eve (eve's apple) in paris with my friend arnauld.

i leave this wednesday, heading for london, for the awards night of my friend matthew's theatre training school, www.songtime.co.uk.  then on to germany to visit with my dear friend john http://obscenedesserts.blogspot.com/ for a few days, then finally on to paris. the next couple days will be me in panic mode trying to get a million things done before i leave, so you probably won't hear from me again until the weekend, from london. stay tuned!

i was on the phone last night with a long-lost-but-never-completely-out-of-the-picture friend. as we were lamenting our love-lives, or lack thereof, i mentioned to my friend that as we spoke, max, my dog, was licking my leg, the most action i had gotten in awhile. my friend replied, "maybe i need a 'max'".

EVERYONE needs a max! but not in the way that he was jokingly referring to.

a few years ago, and i don't know why it took me so long to pinpoint this, i realized that there are two things in my life that if i don't have at all times, i am unhappy. that is not to say that these two things are all i need to be completely happy, but that is to say that without them, i can quickly become completely miserable.

1. i must have a dog. preferably two.

2. i must know when i am going to be in paris next.

 you might think that is strange, you might think it is simple. but it is true.

"but jeanie," you say, "this really isn't all that helpful to me. i don't like/have time for/am allowed to have dogs, and i have no desire to go to paris because it is full of french people who are rude/smelly/hate americans."

"but, you big doofus," i reply to you, "i am not actually suggesting that EVERYONE should have a dog. and you obviously have never been to paris if that is really what you think, so stop talking out of your derriere."

what i am saying is that i always have:

1. something that makes me smile every single day, in the present, and

2. something special to look forward to, that i do just for myself.

for example: someone hurt my feelings today. like i haven't been hurt in quite some time. and i'm still hurt. but when i got home from running some errands today and was still feeling badly, max was there at the door to do his "happy dance" for me. this is a special dance he does only for people he really loves, and you cannot witness it without cracking up. timmy, my other yorkie, was also at the door. timmy is a bit more dignified. he would not lick anyone to save his life. but when i come home, i say "air kisses, timmy!" and he stands on his hind legs and snuffs at me while i bend over so we are nose to nose. he rarely does this for anyone, but he does it for me every day.

so what is your max? what or who do you have, something you can absolutely count on,  to make you smile every single day? it is really important. if you don't have a max, you must get one. a max takes care of your instant gratification needs.

what is your paris? paris to me is not just the 12 days that i will be spending there at the end of this month. paris is my sanctuary. even when i am not there, as long as i know when i will be there, as long as i have it to look forward to, i can escape to it any time i want. i sit here in baltimore with my feelings hurt, but in 14 days i will be in paris, and knowing that, visualizing that, makes me feel better. it makes me feel better on the good days, too.

but as i sit here a little longer, it is obvious to me that there is a third thing that if i had to go a single day without i would be an absolute wretch. since that one person has hurt me (and i am sure that it was done without malice, and we will talk and get through it and be fine, just not today), i have had an invitation to the governor's inaugaral ball with one friend; a few moments in person with another friend who let me vent and bought me a beer, with whom i have plans tomorrow night with another friend who is moving back to town; an email and a call from another friend to make plans for sunday; a call from another friend to invite me to watch the game on saturday; and a call from another friend, who i will be seeing monday (and who has been going through some stuff lately that makes my drama look like candy-coated sunshine), because i said at the end of an email tonight that i was a bit depressed.

wow. WOW. i was going to attack a bottle of champagne to drown my sorrows. but instead i think i will just raise a glass to

3. my friends.

if you know me at all, you already know that i like to keep myself surrounded by handsome, interesting, and most importantly, useful men. after monday's just-shy-of-too-serious-and-introspective posting, i think i need to lighten it up a bit, and tell you about two of my favorite guys: George, and Rex.

i use George, and i do mean use, almost every single day. you can use him too! he's hot and he's easy, just how i like 'em. and by George, of course, i mean my George Foreman grill.

i am serious, this thing ROCKS! i have converted more than one person to using this thing, so if you don't have one, you need to get one. especially great for those of us living single, for quick, hot meals. scallops, which i can never get quite right in a pan, come out perfectly. add a little salt and pepper and you're good to go, no need for butter as it is teflon-coated (and they taste better without it). and i make all kinds of paninis on it, using pita pockets or tortilla wraps (mist them with water and stick in the microwave for 30 seconds first so they don't tear), or panini bread that you can now get at the grocery store. i'll make them with deli sliced roast beef and onions that i first grill on the grill, then stuff or roll in a wrap with some cheese, or grilled chicken and mozzarella with a little tomato sauce , sliced turkey and pesto with swiss, whatever...it is much closer to real food, less expensive, tastes better, and the same amount of time to cook as a microwavable meal. grills up veggies, you name it. my friend steph thinks i'm strange because at least twice a week when she calls me i am cooking on it. but it is awesome. it was my gateway to cooking. i'm a very good cook now, but only 5 or 6 years ago i never cooked, i either microwaved or ate out. then my friend bradley gave me the grill for xmas and now i couldn't live without it. you MUST get one. trust me.

my other favorite guy is Rex, better known as Sexy Rexy. i will try to upload a photo of him here but i am still getting the hang of this blog thing. Sexy Rexy is my car, my 1996 Chevy Monte Carlo Z34, red with black leather interior car. he is my first car, i've had him for almost 2 years, and i love him almost as much as i love my dogs (they deserve their own posting, so some other time). how do i know this car is a guy, you might ask? he's hot, he's sexy, he costs me a lot of money and frustration to maintain, and i have no idea how he works. there is not a doubt in my mind, this car is male.

the photo that appears, for the moment, on this page, was taken almost exactly one year ago, from a moving car somewhere on a highway in france. my friend jonathan and i spent ten days covering over 4,000 kilometers through the country on that trip.

 this photo visually sums up my feelings about the new year, and the old one. for the sake of many of my friends, i am glad to ring the old year out. for some reason a lot of bad things seemed to happen to a lot of good people last year. and i am not referring to the republicans who were ousted from congress (hey, my blog, idowha'i wan'). too may stories to go into, and i don't want to trivialize anyone's traumas by comparing them to anyone else's, or compromise anyone's confidences. it's a competition no one should want to win anyway.

my friends who did have trauma or drama last year often expressed a common conclusion, though. often they were pleasantly surprised at who stepped up to support them emotionally. friends that perhaps they had only considered as friendly acquaintances, or old friends with whom they had nearly lost touch, came through just when they were most needed. in the immortal words of Butthead (while smacking Beavis in the head with a 2x4), "if you didn't have things that suck, you wouldn't know when things are cool." or something like that. i may be paraphrasing.

 i feel like my life isn't that much different than it was last year at this time. but it is, really, just in very subtle ways, in ways that are going to make the changes i go through this year just a little bit less scary, in ways that give me the confidence to get to the next level and stop idling.

there is no substitute for life experience. it's driving down a highway that you have never been on before, not being able to see very far ahead of yourself, oscillating between flooring it to get where you are going already, and coasting so you can enjoy the ethereal landscape of possibilities.